Here are a few tips Happiness Expert Carol Bailey can share, which will help us to maintain a positive outlook, balanced temperament and good relationships, as we enter the holiday season

**Keep emotions in check. The holidays are an emotional time for almost everyone, because they are tied to memories, which can be both good and bad. Monitor yourself so you don’t get too emotional.

** Try to build good memories. During the holidays, we are often with people we might not normally be with, because we value family ties and try to maintain them. Buried issues can arise during this very stressful and emotional time. Holiday gatherings are not the right time to try to work out old issues. Building some positive memories is a better strategy.

**Take responsibility for your interpretation of reality. You create your own happiness. It is not determined by the events outside of you. Events are neutral – you give them meaning. Guard against becoming negative.

** Don’t fight with reality-it is what it is. Our struggle against what “is” makes us unhappy.

We want people to be different, or we want the day to be a certain way and it doesn’t turn out that way. Do we just accept what is, or complain about it? Not liking it and complaining about it won’t change reality. Our suffering comes from wanting things to be different than the way they are. The difference between your expectations and reality is the measure of your happiness.

EXAMPLE: If you know your sister is going to over drink because she always does—don’t get upset when it happens. You know it is going to happen and you are choosing to go-so don’t fight with the reality when it occurs.

**Don’t take things personally. It’s actually not about you.

We often think what others say and do is about us, but it isn’t: it’s about them. We have to work to free ourselves from taking as true and reacting to what others say to us and about us.

EXAMPLE: The chef did not come to greet us one night as she always did. My husband thought she was mad at him. Thinking others’ actions are in reference to you. It wasn’t even about him it was about another customer. We all make assumptions without really knowing. Speculating about others’ motives. We think we know what others are thinking but we don’t.

** Learn to let go of how you want things to be. Go with the flow.

This is a physical thing, actually. You have to sort of wrestle yourself to the ground. Don’t struggle when you are getting tense and feel the need to control. It doesn’t matter when you cook the roast or what time you sit down for dinner. Take a step back and focus on what is truly important.
Know your GOAL: to maintain good relationships with your family. Get PERSPECTIVE on the relative importance of the thing you are hung up about. Is it really worth having a fight over?

** Don’t react and do what the other person is doing that you don’t like. Instead, be the person you think the other person is NOT being. Be a Happiness Leader.

If you are annoyed or frustrated with someone’s behavior, instead of feeding into it, act in the way you wish the other person would act. Don’t respond by acting the way they are acting.Be the person they are not being. See what happens.

EXAMPLE: If someone is being demanding, such as saying they can only eat at a certain restaurant or can only eat certain foods, instead of you responding by being demanding, be gracious and say OK. If you dig in and resist there will be a problem.

** Stop focusing on yourself. Acknowledge something positive about the other person.

If someone is having a difficult time or struggling, or being confrontational, instead of putting them down or criticizing them, turn it around and say something positive. And, if you can’t think of something nice to say…the problem is probably with you.

EXAMPLE: You see your ex over the holidays to exchange the children. S/ He has perhaps done some really bad things to you-rather than meeting him or her with a negative attitude try acknowledging them for being a dedicated parent. They may have been an awful spouse but are a good parent. Acknowledge that.

Have a safe and healthy holiday filled with smiles, happiness and lots of great memories!!