A lot of bossy kids are actually very sensitive kids who feel unsafe or insecure. Bossiness/Smart-alecky behavior is a way to assert control to try to make sense of their world. Why might a child feel insecure? Here are some reasons:

1. They feel unpopular at school.
2. The parent is bossy.
3. The parent is a pushover and the child doesn’t feel like they have a parent so they’re trying to MAKE you be the parent.
4. The parent is busy with work and the rest of the family, and the child desperately wants attention.
5. They feel their future is bleak so they think they should take their future into their own hands.
6. There are family upheavals and they judge that THEY should become “parental” in order to make things right.

What do you do about bossiness/smart-alecky behavior? Here are some ideas:

1. Pay attention to your child. Take time each day to listen to what they have to say, without judging it.
2. Give them lots of love. Love isn’t the same as overprotection or excessive praise. You can’t LOVE a child too much. Sometimes they just need to be held and to hear that you love them
3. Whatever your rules and consequences are, make sure that they would make sense to an outsider and that they’re not hypocritical. Don’t make a rule that you can’t follow yourself.
4. Make sure you follow through on your consequences. Not doing so adds to a child’s sense of insecurity because it tells him/her that your word can’t be trusted.
5. However the bossy behavior manifests itself (interrupting, ordering younger sibs around, talking back, defiance…) have a consequence. This teaches your child cause-and-effect. Then they can learn that they are responsible for their own behavior.